The Coachman

The Coachman is a sweet old man that brings undeserving kids to an amazing place called Pleasure Island. You see, these kids don't deserve to go there because they're fucking rude. But the Coachman's so nice, he doesn't give a damn. They're jackasses, yes, but what-the-fuck-ever. He does what he wants. He helps King Candy and Mr. 3 track down certain bitches that they may not normally be able to track down. You have this man to thank for your stupidass dead uncle that was in hiding for the longest time. It was his fault he gave a fuck for free. Be happy. Be fucking proud that the Coachman helped get rid of your creepy criminal uncle. What a fucking bastard he was. Didn't deserve to fucking live at all. What a prick. Get the hell out if you loved him. You should know better.